Well, I thought it's time for an update.
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| Second surgery. Post op, Sept. 2013. |
3 YEARS AGO.
First... for those reading about my journey for the first time, you can start at the beginning by heading back to my posts in September of 2013. I'm finding that overall, my blog has truly been about trying to find a way to be the best me I can be, and hopefully encourage someone along the way.
I have definitely failed along the way. I am learning to love "fails" because that's where I learn the most.
And... I've realized that the more I stand up for what I believe in, the more I have "haters", but... I have also been incredibly moved and touched by people that can relate to me, so it has been worth it.
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| Hair loss 3 months after the first surgery. |
FAIL.
Bariatric surgery. If you know my story, you'll know that my surgery went horribly wrong in September of 2013. I almost died (internal bleeding post op). I missed 6 months of work. I had 2 corrective surgeries following the initial surgery. I was malnourished. I lost my hair. My nails broke. That's the short version.
I lost 47 lbs in 4 months. As I continued to have corrective surgeries, and deal with the after effects, I started gaining weight back. One lb, then another. No big deal. Until I realized in April of this year, that I had already gained back 20 lbs. I gained back almost half of what I lost, not even 3 years after the surgery.
LESSONS LEARNED.
Today, I have lost 10 of those 20 lbs gained. I've done so with a very disciplined eating plan and exercise. And once again, it hasn't been easy. The doctors told me that the surgery was just a tool. And now, I know they were telling me the truth. And the truth is, that I am still a food-addict. I still go to chips and chocolate for comfort (and I'm still working at changing that).
REGRET.
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| Me, 1998. My heaviest. |
People often ask me if I regret getting the surgery. That's a tough question. I regret the pain it caused my family. I regret the stress it put on my workplace. I regret the physical and emotional pain of the journey. However!! It changed me. I learned from it all. I became stronger mentally and emotionally. I would not be who I am today if I had not gone through this journey. I grew personally, spiritually.
ADDICTION.
I've learned that there is no quick fix. An addiction is an addiction. In order to fix it, you have to get to the root. Addiction fills a void, we have all heard it before. It has become more real to me. I'm trying to transfer my addiction to healthy things, including exercise, education, healthy relationships, and spending time with God. I'm still on the journey to love myself just the way I am, but also to love myself enough to take good care of my mind, body, and spirit, which I believe is all connected.
TODAY.This is me today. A full head of hair and strong nails. Still overweight and still educating myself on how to be healthy. Learning every day. Failing every day. But loving myself more and more as I just let myself be me.
I share this all in hopes that it will help someone somewhere. xoxo
*A note to those considering Bariatric Surgery.
Most people that have had this surgery have had success. But for most, there comes a time when its not s free ride anymore. It does become hard work to keep the weight off, and it's a very emotional journey. There can be health complications and I deal with those to this day. My ultimate advice would be, if you can do it without the surgery, do! If you need the help, go for it! Know what the complications could be. Educate yourself. And know that ultimately you will eventually have to get to the root of why you have a struggle with food. Otherwise, even with the surgery, the weight will come back!
I would love to talk to anyone that has questions about the surgery or otherwise. Please email me at conniebailey@live.ca.
