17 Days Until Surgery. Weekend Getaway.

This week was super crazy. My anniversary is coming up with Shel and so he is taking me out for the weekend to Grand Forks. He says we will go wherever I want to go and eat whatever I want to eat. What a sweet guy. So I have a couple of days to just relax before I start to fast on Monday. I have a couple of days to have all my favorite food and drink. I am getting nervous but I feel like I have a ton of support. My coworkers took me out for lunch today. What a great bunch of people. They have been super supportive. So I just have a couple of days until my life starts changing in a huge way.  So I will sign off for a bit and just chill this weekend. To whomever is reading this I hope you have a great weekend too!!

P.S.  I got a call today that my final pre-op appointment is Sept. 12.  They said it would take several hours.  I wonder what THAT entails!!!  Time will tell.  :)

18 Days Until Surgery. Barium Swallow.

Today this happened.  (This isn't actually me.)

I drove to Winnipeg early this morning for a Barium Swallow.  I had to drink a chalky substance and they filmed me by x-ray while I swallowed.  This is a procedure used to examine the upper gastrointestinal tract, which includes the esophagus and my stomach.  Pre-op stuff.  Yay.  I AM very happy they are being so thorough!

18 days.  OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

19 Days Until Surgery. Stress?

Mini rant:  Due to multiple circumstances at work, I'm feeling pretty stressed.  I had the flu last night.  Thank Jesus it passed.  My hubby is on another business trip.  Long weekend coming up.  Increased work load.  My partner in crime at work had a loved one pass away.  And several people at work have had their significant other break up with them.  A lot of heart break.  Trying not to take it on myself.

On top of that I have doctor's appointments, doctor's appointments, and more doctor's appointments.  So I've got to up and leave, drive to Winnipeg, come back, work some more, etc., take care of the kids..... however, sometimes I think it's the kids that take care of me.

I'm gearing up for the fast that starts Monday.  Phew!!  Feels like a little much today.

20 Days Until Surgery. What Will People Think.

I am not asking for nor do I need your approval.  I hope that doesn't sound too harsh.  :)

When my doctor first offered this surgery to me there were several people in my life extremely opposed.  I often hear people tell me that I don't need to lose weight or this is too drastic, etc. 

Being on the radio, I feel like I am a friend to those in the community (for those that allow me to be).  I care about the people I meet in the community and I honestly feel some of them care about me too.  I love it.  With that I will often get their opinions as well.  This is great.  I feel honored that people care about me. 

I do want y'all to know though, that I do feel that this is the right decision for me so I ask that you respect that.  (I have not taken this decision lightly!)

This surgery is a MAJOR life changing decision.  I will surround myself with loving supportive people!  I hope if you are reading this, that is what you will be to me.  :)  And hopefully I can be that for you one day in whatever situation you are in!

21 Days Until Surgery. My Food Addiction.

I know what it is like to be obese.
I know what it is like to be slim and fit.

The truth is that over eating can be an addiction.  I have fought this all my life.  I am sure that is why I don't weigh 300 lbs right now.  Because I have been hard-core fighting this addiction.  Alcoholism, smoking, shopping, gossiping, etc. can all be addictions.  They all work very differently, look different, and have very different consequences.  Food is my addiction.  This surgery is me taking my "alcohol out of the house" or "cutting up my credit cards".

In my experience there is usually some kind of sympathy that comes with addiction.  "Oh poor ________ just can't get a hold of himself".  It's true.  That is what addiction is.  It IS embarrassing to admit that I have a food addiction and that I have allowed to let this consume me.  My way of dealing with emotions is food.  I'm not too proud of that.  And I know when I am obese people treat me differently.  I've gotten less respect and less attention.  It takes longer for people to warm up to me.  Because I have experienced weight loss and gain a few times in my life, I have actually experienced people treating me bad to good and good to bad depending on my weight.   I have eaten a piece of licorice while I was overweight and got sneered at.  I have eaten a piece of licorice as a thin person with no judgement. That is just the society we live in.

There are so many aspects to this.

The people who are obese in this world are usually dealing with some kind of hurt, whether they know it or not.  I was/am.  I think it is the same for every addiction.  I am so happy that now there is this amazing option for me, including the counselling part of it.

The closer I get to this big step, the more I realize this is not going to be an easy journey.  But I'm ready!

22 Days Until Surgery. "The Spotlight".

This is me.  I work in radio.  We launched a new radio station in June.  It has quickly become quite popular in our small community.  I'm often on a stage, behind a mic, in a picture, or in a video.   

When I signed up for radio, it was just radio.  I hid behind a microphone in a room by myself.  Now it is all about pictures, videos, MCing, etc.  The times are changing.  I am in the spotlight a lot.  And I avoid it when I can... BECAUSE of my weight.  Truth be told, I am very uncomfortable with my weight.  Especially with the recent gain.  I could lie and say it doesn't bother me.  But it actually REALLY bothers me.  I was in a parade yesterday and I saw some pictures posted of me on our radio station Facebook page and once again (OK, here comes the big confession...) I deleted them.  (I wonder if coworkers notice pictures of me going missing...??  Sshhh!  Don't tell!!)  I am embarrassed that I seem to not be getting a hold of this.

And then there are the MCing gigs.  One on one I am fine but when I step out on stage in front of 8000 people at our local festival, it takes serious prayer and focus to come out on the stage with confidence.  In my mind there are 16000 judgmental eyes looking at me saying "oh poor Connie, she gained a pile of weight again".  This is probably not even true for the most part at all but these are the games my mind plays.

I can just hear some of you right now.  "Oh, but Connie, you are so beautiful!"  "It's so sad that you are thinking that way!"  Let me just stop you there and say this:  I strongly believe that God makes all things beautiful, but I feel as though I have not figured how to take care of the beauty he has given me.  Do I feel beautiful?  Yes!  I love me.  God doesn't make crap.  But I hate my over-weightness (that's not a word).  I have never succeeded in keeping the weight off.  But I want to be the best I can be.  I want to enjoy life, my husband, my kids, my friendships, and YES, my job, to the fullest!!  So I am really looking forward to this surgery helping me get to that healthy place (because again, so far, I have not been able to figure this out on my own)!!

BTW - Hoping that all women find their beauty is my one true passion!!  Post on BEAUTY is on the way!!

23 Days Until Surgery. My Future Diet.

(If you want to know why I have chosen this route click here.)

So, these days I am trying to mentally prepare for these diet changes...

2 weeks prior: Liquid only. 
1-2 week post: Liquid only. 
3-5 weeks post: Pureed only. 
6-8 weeks post: Soft/moist foods only. 

I may be eating real food by Christmas. So hard to fathom.

After the surgery I will not be able to tolerate: 
-sugar 
-white flour 
-high fatty foods 
(We have been cautioned that we are eventually able to train our stomach's to take these foods in again if we try hard enough.  I have intentions of being very cautious with this!

Other things that will change:
-I will need to have protein at every meal. 
-I will need to take multiple vitamins every day.
-I will not be able to gulp/guzzle water anymore.  Just tiny sips.

Click here for a pretty good idea of what life will look like for me post surgery as far as the diet goes.

I keep hearing the voice of my doctor: "Remember. This will improve the quality of your life."

I have been eating total crap for a few days now thinking "I may as well get it all in now". Today, I could not have enough salad. I craved it. I am reminded why I am doing this. In the end I am going to feel so much healthier and have so much energy!!

THAT needs to be my focus!!!

24 Days Until Surgery. How It Works.

A lot of people have been asking me simply how it works.  

There are a few aspects to this.  

First.  Your stomach is just smaller, so the amount of food you can consume is smaller.  80% of your stomach is removed.  This means many small meals per day need to be eaten in order to remain healthy.

Second.  There is a hormone that is created in your stomach called Ghrelin which sends hunger signals to your brain.  With 80% of your stomach gone, 80% of the Ghrelin produced is also gone.  This reduces cravings.

Earlier I had mentioned that this is not the easy way out and this is why:  I think there is no easy way out.  Losing weight with this surgery or without will have it's challenges.  With surgery, the challenges are forced.

The hardest part of this journey (for me) will be:

1.  Emotional Eating.  If I am fighting with emotions, eating will just not be an option anymore, so I will need to find a different way to deal with emotions.

2.  Pre/Post Op Diet.  I will be consuming only liquids and pureed food for up to 10 weeks while my stomach heals.

The surgery itself is not very painful.  Mostly discomfort.  However, overeating after the surgery is EXTREMELY painful!  So this is definitely something I need to keep at the forefront of my mind!  

I also need to have a game plan for those times I feel like eating emotionally!!

(A game plan is in place!  Post to come!)

25 Days Until Surgery. Pre-Op Fasting.

In Manitoba the surgeons do this surgery
laproscopically with 5 small incisions.  

We were thoroughly informed at a meeting last Friday that we would need to fast for 2 weeks prior to surgery.  This is common in Manitoba but not all bariatric clinics do this.  This is done in order to kick the weight loss into action and also to shrink the liver for the surgery.  Apparently overweight people have fatty livers and this fast will clean it out in order for the surgery to be a success.  The surgery will be very un-invasive with several small incisions in my abdomen.  Manitoba comes highly recommended for Bariatric Surgery.

For 2 weeks prior to the surgery my diet will consist of:
-5 Diabetic Boosts/Day
-Water
-Mio, Crystal Light, other sugar free non-carbonated drinks
-Decaffeinated tea
NO SUGAR.

I start fasting Monday, Sept 2.  I'm getting mentally prepared!!

Almost 25 Days Until Surgery. But You're Not THAT Overweight!

I've heard comments like "But you are not THAT over weight!" or "Isn't this a little drastic?" or  "Do you really want to do this to yourself?"....

I may not be morbidly obese, but I am overweight and have been the majority of my adult life.  I have been FIGHTING my weight for years!!  If you know me, you have heard me count calories, count points, discuss books on weight loss, lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain weight, etc. for years.

The truth is that I told myself 10 years ago I would find a way to get slim and healthy in my lifetime.  I come from a family that fights weight issues.  I have seen family  members through diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, and death, related to obesity.   I want something better for my life.

In my 42 years of life I have not conquered emotional eating.  I know this is the root of my fight against weight.  I have been with the same doctor for years trying to combat this weight issue.  When I walked into her office in December of 2011 she looked at me (with another obvious recent weight gain) and asked if I would be interested in surgery.  She said I was the perfect candidate because she knew I was serious about getting healthy.

Are you contemplating this surgery?  Here's a few things to think about.

A lot of people think this is the easy way out.  But it's really is not.  I will elaborate more about this in a future post, but this is all about how to really deal with emotions, how to say to no to unhealthy food forever, how to make exercise a normal part of life.  Do you want to say goodbye to white flour and sugar and greasy foods forever?  If the answer is no, then you are not ready for this surgery.

I have been doing a lot of research and I have learned that Manitoba has one of the best Bariatric Clinics IN THE WORLD!!  Seriously.  Their screening and counselling is extensive.  They teach you that if you don't deal with the food addiction that is WILL lead to other addictions.  (There have been many reports of people turning to alcoholism or sexual addiction/affairs.  Seriously.)  They teach you about the nutrients your body needs.  They test your body levels as to which vitamins you need more of.  They give you specific exercises for your body type.  And many other tests, questions, requirements, etc. which I will elaborate on as I continue blogging.

Manitoba has one of the longest waiting times for Bariatric Surgery, but I would never change a thing.  I would be terrified to do this without the counselling and education that I have received!!

So, with that, I am ready for this.  My life is changing!!

26 Days Until Surgery. This Surgery Is Covered By MB Health!

Manitoba Health has been covering these surgeries for about 3 years now.  Many people still don't know that this is available in Manitoba.

Here are the reasons I was accepted for the Bariatric Sleeve by Manitoba Health.

1.  A BMI of over 35 (you can get your BMI by using a BMI Calculator).
2.  Family history of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and breast cancer.
3.  Consistently seeking my Doctors advice for weight loss (a total of 10 years in their records).

(Click here to see if you meet the requirements to qualify!)

For me, the process from my doctors referral to surgery took 21 months in total.

My surgery will be covered by Manitoba Health 100%.

If you want to learn more about Bariatric Surgery in Manitoba, speak to your local doctor about the procedure and ask for a referral to the Bariatric Clinic at Victoria Hospital in Winnipeg.

27 Days Until Surgery. Why I Chose The Sleeve.

Gastric Sleeve

I was offered either a Bariatric Sleeve or a Bypass by Manitoba Health.  I've done a lot of research in regards to what would be better for me.

Click here for a good place to compare the Sleeve and the Bypass.

My main reason for choosing the sleeve is that it is less invasive and the chance of the "dumping syndrome" is less common.  The fear of being in a public place and not having a washroom near by is a scary one.  The weight also seems to come down slower with a sleeve.  I like that idea because I know that in order to make this successful, it will be MY responsibility to make this happen.  Not the surgery.  The sleeve reminds me that I also have some work to do.

If I rely completely on the surgery, I will fail.

28 Days Until Surgery. Timeline.

Myself, Carol, and Kelly.  We met at the Bariatric Clinic and are all scheduled for surgery next month.

December, 2011 - Dr. Besse suggested that with my weight issues, family history, and years of seeking help, I apply to have a bariatric surgery.  Not thinking I would be accepted, Dr. Besse sent in a referral.

December, 2012 - I was cleaning a closet out in my house and discovered a letter dated February, 2012.  It was an acceptance letter from the Bariatric Clinic.

January, 2013 - My first meeting happened at the clinic with several other accepted patients.  They told me to forget all diet plans I had learned in the past - Weight Watchers, Herbal Magic, My Fitness Pal,  Weigh Down Workshop, Dr. Phils 7 Keys to Weight Loss, etc.  Out the window!

*That lead me to gain 10 lbs.  I had already gained 10 over December.  I successfully gained 20 lbs in 4 months.  (Go me!!  This sent me into a mild depression.)

March, 2013 - I met with a nurse, psychologist, kinesiologist, and dietician.  They gave me a plan to follow including an exercise program, following calories on myfitnesspal.com, taking vitamins, and seeing a counsellor.  I struggled very much as through counselling I learned a lot about myself and realized I was under a lot of stress which was greatly impacting my food consumption (post on that coming in the future).  The goal was to lose 10 lbs and instead I gained 4.  Now I had gained 24 lbs in 6 months.

May, 2013 - I joined a class called "Craving Change" where I met Kelly and Carol.  THAT, together with the counselling I had received, helped me to learn how to de-stress.  And I began to lose weight again. 

June, 2013 - I met with my team at the clinic and had successfully lost 6 lbs.  At this point I had dropped several volunteering responsibilities and had decided that this year is about improving my quality of life.  I realized that I need to take care of myself in order to take care of others.

Aug, 2013 - I met with the surgeon and they gave me the date of Sept. 16 for surgery.

Aug. 16, 2013 (3 days ago) - I spent the afternoon with 7 other bariatric patients (including Kelly and Carol) being educated on our new diet.  All 8 of us will have surgery within 2 months.  It hit me that this is going to be a massive and significant change in my life!!

Sept. 16, 2013 - Surgery at Victoria General Hospital, Winnipeg.

This was the short version.  More details to come!

29 Days Until Surgery. Who I Am.

My husband and I in Cuba last year.
I can't wait to actually fit in an airplane seat!

I am a 42 year old wife, mom, and radio DJ in Canada. 

I have been fighting with my weight since I had my first baby 20 years ago.  I have gained and lost up to 70 lbs multiple times over the years.  I know what it is like to be obese and I know what it is like to be thin and healthy.

I am a wife to a good man.  We have been married for 19 years.  We have had ours ups and downs, have come through strong, and are madly in love with each other.

I am a mother to 4 children, ages 20, 17, and twin 16 year olds.  I love my teenagers and am enjoying this part of life (even with it's challenges).

I am a radio DJ and producer.  I spend my life in the "spotlight" in a small community.

I am a "believer".  I believe in the Holy Bible - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  I believe that love is the single most powerful force on earth and I strive to love always.  I believe that God is the source of love and that He loves me deeply.  The more I realize this, the more I trust Him. 

Several people have asked me to journal my journey.  So... I will.  :)  Here we go....