Bariatric Surgery. Almost 3 years later.

Well, I thought it's time for an update.

Second surgery. Post op, Sept. 2013.

3 YEARS AGO.

First... for those reading about my journey for the first time, you can start at the beginning by heading back to my posts in September of 2013.  I'm finding that overall, my blog has truly been about trying to find a way to be the best me I can be, and hopefully encourage someone along the way.

I have definitely failed along the way.  I am learning to love "fails" because that's where I learn the most.

And... I've realized that the more I stand up for what I believe in, the more I have "haters", but... I have also been incredibly moved and touched by people that can relate to me, so it has been worth it.

Hair loss 3 months after
the first surgery.

So, I'd like to talk about one of those "fails".  

FAIL.

Bariatric surgery.  If you know my story, you'll know that my surgery went horribly wrong in September of 2013.  I almost died (internal bleeding post op).  I missed 6 months of work.  I had 2 corrective surgeries following the initial surgery.  I was malnourished.  I lost my hair.  My nails broke. That's the short version.

I lost 47 lbs in 4 months.  As I continued to have corrective surgeries, and deal with the after effects, I started gaining weight back.  One lb, then another.  No big deal.  Until I realized in April of this year, that I had already gained back 20 lbs.  I gained back almost half of what I lost, not even 3 years after the surgery.

LESSONS LEARNED.

Today, I have lost 10 of those 20 lbs gained.  I've done so with a very disciplined eating plan and exercise.  And once again, it hasn't been easy.  The doctors told me that the surgery was just a tool. And now, I know they were telling me the truth.  And the truth is, that I am still a food-addict.  I still go to chips and chocolate for comfort (and I'm still working at changing that).

REGRET.

Me, 1998.  My heaviest.

People often ask me if I regret getting the surgery.  That's a tough question.  I regret the pain it caused my family.  I regret the stress it put on my workplace.  I regret the physical and emotional pain of the journey.  However!!  It changed me.  I learned from it all.  I became stronger mentally and emotionally.  I would not be who I am today if I had not gone through this journey.  I grew personally, spiritually.

ADDICTION.

I've learned that there is no quick fix. An addiction is an addiction. In order to fix it, you have to get to the root.  Addiction fills a void, we have all heard it before.  It has become more real to me.  I'm trying to transfer my addiction to healthy things, including exercise, education, healthy relationships, and spending time with God.  I'm still on the journey to love myself just the way I am, but also to love myself enough to take good care of my mind, body, and spirit, which I believe is all connected.

TODAY.

This is me today.  A full head of hair and strong nails.  Still overweight and still educating myself on how to be healthy.  Learning every day.  Failing every day.  But loving myself more and more as I just let myself be me.

I share this all in hopes that it will help someone somewhere. xoxo

*A note to those considering Bariatric Surgery.
Most people that have had this surgery have had success. But for most, there comes a time when its not s free ride anymore. It does become hard work to keep the weight off, and it's a very emotional journey. There can be health complications and I deal with those to this day.  My ultimate advice would be, if you can do it without the surgery, do!  If you need the help, go for it!  Know what the complications could be. Educate yourself.  And know that ultimately you will eventually have to get to the root of why you have a struggle with food.  Otherwise, even with the surgery, the weight will come back!

I would love to talk to anyone that has questions about the surgery or otherwise.  Please email me at conniebailey@live.ca.

Revelation on beauty please!!

This post is for the ladies. However, men, feel free to give this post a read as well. Perhaps it will help you to understand us crazy ladies a little better. ;)
My search for true beauty began many years ago with my own insecurity driving the search.
Since then I have come to understand beauty in a way that I never even knew existed. I'm now beginning to see to what extent that this world sees beauty in the wrong light.
God IS beauty.  That has been my revelation.
Yeah, yeah, we all know he is beautiful. But, ladies, true revelation on this will change your lives! And WE are in this together.
He is the only thing beautiful. And the cool thing is that when you begin to understand that, you begin to see Him in all things. Even the "ugliest" human on earth has beauty. God made them. They just don't know their beauty... yet. Every person's gift, talent, mind, heart, is so entirely beautiful. Music, voices, smiles, personalities... I could go on. Everything good comes from God, and He is beautiful.
So, why is it then, that we women, who (let me be frank) have been comparing ourselves to the girls in the magazines, have not been loving ourselves.
Something that made my heart sink last weekend while I was at a Propel Women conference is... well... picture this:
4000 women gather in a church to seek God. It's a leadership conference. These women are there because they love God, and they want to grow in their faith and in leadership.
The very well known speaker, Christine Cain, says out of faith:
"Be good Christians, and bow your heads... Don't look up".
She continued to invite anyone who was considering sleeping with a man to keep him, to be bold and raise her hand so that we can pray for them. What happened next shocked and saddened me.
Of course I was thinking "wow, who would raise their hand in this crowd of female Christian leaders". Christine continued on "Thank you, thank you, thank you for raising your hand. We will pray for you."
She said two dozen women raised their hands. She continued with encouraging words to say to these beautiful women ... as my mind wandered off.
My heart sunk.  
It got me thinking about all the women that were not bold enough to raise their hands. It got me thinking about all of the women (not just women, Christian women) that do not see themselves as valuable enough to honor their bodies. How many Christian women are exploiting themselves on the internet RIGHT NOW. I am confident that someone reading this right now is living this first hand. (My goal is not to condemn or judge you. My goal is to pour out the love of Jesus on you and tell you, you have more value then that!! And I am praying you have revelation on your beauty and worth!)
And if you are a man that has been reading this and I still have your attention, let me challenge you to see beauty for what it really is. True beauty is much more satisfying!
One of my favorite verses of all time is John 10:10, because it quickly describes the consequences of our choices. Choose God, or choose satan. Because every choice we make is doing one or the other.
So what now? 
Ask God to show you. Ask God to show you how beautiful He is. Ask for the Holy Spirit to speak to you and show you how His beauty exists in you. It is THEE most fulfilling. And please, accept God's grace! He can and will fix anything. He is the Healer!
I also want you to know something. I could have been that girl that raised her hand at the conference. In fact, I used to be that girl!

John 10:10 A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. 

Submit to your husbands!!!

A lot of us cringe at that statement.  But when you look deeper into it, it's actually kinda fun!  Let me explain...

1 Peter 1:3 says "wives, submit yourself to your own husbands..."

My pastor once said that "submit" means to "come alongside"; be a team.  I looked up the word submit in it's original Greek and it said "a voluntary attitude of giving in, assuming responsibity, and carrying a burden".  I LOVE THAT!!

I see it this way.  Hubby comes home from work, it was a stressful day, and he starts talking about it.  I listen!  The house is clean (less stress on him), and supper is waiting.  He gets to tell me about all the issues he's had all day, and then what happens?  The answer comes later in the verse: "if some (husbands) disobey the Christian message, they will be won over".

Something happens.  God is able to work in him, through you!

My house is by no means clean every day.  Supper is NOT ready for him every day.  I am by no means 100% supportive when I should be.  But winning him over to God sounds like some fantastic incentive to do what I can on my end!

(For more read 1 Peter 3:1-6!) ;)

God doesn't lie!

Jesus Wept.

Jesus wept.
-John 11:35

We've all seen the shortest verse in the bible.  Weeping.  If Jesus did it, we should do it.

"We live in a tearless society. Compassion runs low. We rarely weep.  We are desensitized to reality, partly because we have been conditioned by TV not to believe it, or to see evil as ordinary. We watch murder and violence every night on little boxes in our living rooms, and we are used to it. We sit with TV dinners, watching the new news reports of worldwide hunger, followed by commercials for gourmet cat food, and we don't take anything seriously."
-Lester Sumrall

Lord, teach me to have compassion. Teach me to weep like you wept.

My Garden

Sometimes we make the wrong choices.  Mistakes.  Some are little.  Some are huge.  And it seems like, the bigger the mistake, the bigger the consequence.  We reap what we sow.

I shared my testimony the other day.  The response was interesting.  "I thought your life was perfect" one person said.  If you only knew.

This week, the enemy tried to put me back into my old way of thinking.  "You haven't changed" were the thoughts running through my head.  "You are not worthy to talk to God" echo'd in my mind.

Lies.

That's what satan does.

The best part is, we reap what we sow.  I began the journey of sowing good seed 19 years ago.  Today, I see beautiful growth.  I see sturdy trees, beautiful shrubs, and new flowers blooming in my life.  I do sometimes see weeds trying to creep back in.  But the good has taken over the garden!

So, when satan lies to me, I plant more good seed.  And I'm so thankful for my friends that take time to water and shine light on my garden!

Radio today, bouncy castles tomorrow!

Well, I was surprised (yet not) when someone I admire and respect approached me about a job a few weeks ago.  Not just a job, but a job that was tailor made for my skills and personality.   I'm what they need and they are what I need.  We agreed, "a God thing" is what it was.

Although content in my job, I have been telling close friends that I know I won't work in radio forever.  In the last few weeks I spoke with my boss and some folks in upper management, that radio is going in one direction and I am going in another.  Although I am proud of the quality of radio we present, I am not proud of some of the content; the songs. I understand radio is radio.  Radio is not changing.  I am.  I just believe in speaking life giving words. That's my life's long term goal.  There are some good songs that we play for sure.  But the songs that are degrading to humans make my heart sad.  The truth is that I never listen to the radio stations that I DJ.  Praise & worship is what I love most.

Recently I had the opportunity to fill in on CHVN. A dream job.  I love what they stand for.  Being on CHVN and being able to encourage and speak life was an amazing experience.  However, I've learned that there was no chance of a permanent place for me there.  It was a sad reality for me.  And then going back to pop and country was disheartening for me.

Yet I learned to be content.  Knowing that for now, this is where I needed to be.  I learned to trust God.

And then I got the call. :)

I tried stepping away from radio in 2005 and 2010.  Radio is an addictive thing!  There's many years I depended on radio for self worth.  I would leave and come back, leave and come back.  I'm happy to say that my job no longer defines me.  I feel free from this "radio addiction".  :)  It's time for a change.

I am so grateful to radio.  In the 15 years I spent at GWB, it has grown and improved by leaps and bounds as have I.  And I had an amazing "radio father" who was full of encouragement and mentoring.  His people skills, wisdom, support, encouragement, and kindness is something I will always admire and take with me.  My boss, but more so, my friend, is an incredible person.  Always learning, never afraid to be wrong, and continually working to be a better person and employee.  I have made so many amazing lasting friendships through radio!

I can't say I will never do radio again.  Never say never.  I did love it!  But for right now, I know in my heart it's over, and that thought brings me great peace.

To the people I've worked with:  fellow employees, listeners, and the amazing people I've met through community events, THANK YOU.  My life is richer because of you!  See you around!!

Soon I will be a part of an amazing new team who's job is to bring joy and make people smile.  I'm SO pumped!

Guess what she said!!

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.  Proverbs 17:22

A crushed spirit doesn't sound very fun.  I think I would rather have physical pain than have someone gossip about me.  When people say negative things, or exaggerate, tell lies or even negative truth (whatever it may be), it is serious cause for hurt.

You have probably felt this yourself at some point in your life.  And the sad truth is that you and I may have put someone into this same boat!

So the questions I am asking today are:
How do I (we) NOT allow slander to tear us down?
How do I (we) develop into a person that believes the best and ALWAYS build people up (no matter what!)?

The answers go hand in hand.  And this is a high calling.

GET OVER IT.

Easier said than done.

In my last post I quoted James 1:2. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

I think joy is found in complete dependence on God.  I think God sometimes purposely leads us to places where we feel alone to bring us to Him.  Truly humbling.  And sometimes, truly needed.  Truly awesome!  

God gives us a promise:  Isaiah 54:17  "No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment will be condemned. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me," declares the LORD.  Thank you Jesus.  He's got this.  He's the vindicator!  When gossip happens to us, we don't need to defend ourselves.

God has been working on my heart about the toxins of slander for some time now.  He puts it in the same category as murder and adultery (Mark 7:21-22).  It's probably one of satan's biggest weapons.  It's subtle.  And so very damaging, especially in the church!  A friend reminded me this morning that our tongue has the power of life or death.  (Proverbs 8:21)  It is a killer.  It kills love.  It kills trust.  It kills relationships.  Sometimes we don't even know we are doing it.  

BE AWARE.

It takes strength, wisdom, and true commitment to walk away from slander.  God has advice for us:  "Bless those that curse you...", "Pray for those who mistreat you...", "Build each other up...", "Love never fails...",   "Believe the best...".  (1 Peter 3:9, Luke 6:28, Eph. 4:29, 1 Cor. 13)   

We have work ahead of us!

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:12-13

Gossip happens all the time.  We won't be able to stop it in other people.  But we can change what we do and how we react.  We all make mistakes and there will be people that hold those against us (or others).  We need to be strong enough to walk away or to say something positive.  We need to keep strong supportive people around us so that it does not tear us apart when it happens to us.  We need to remember how God sees us and ALSO how God sees the people around us.  We need to spend time with God in order to find strength to stand up to this ugly beast.  

My tongue has the power to make or break someones day (and actually have strong influence in a life!).  I truly hope I can keep that at the forefront of my mind!!