Beauty in Vulnerability.

I was thinking about what to write about, and instead of sharing my struggles right now, I am going to share my thoughts on vulnerability itself.  In a later post I will talk candidly about my food addiction, therapy, and addiction transfer (which I am learning plenty about with my wonderful assigned physcologist).

If you get a chance, please read this previous blog entry, before continuing.  Also, if you get a chance, watch the 20 minute video I posted.  It is so very good.

I love that I have learned that life is about connection.  Connection with other people brings me so much joy.  I believe God gave us relationship to fulfill us.  He also would like, more than anything, a connection or relationship with us.

How does vulnerability come into play?

Connection is near impossible without vulnerability of some kind. 

I think of the speakers that I strongly admire.  People that fall into that category are the likes of Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, Lisa Bevere, Jesse Duplantis, Kenneth Copeland, and more.  All of which have told their stories loud and strong.  They could have kept it to themselves, but chose to be vulnerable (together with perseverance and obedience); therefore powerful ministries have come forth.

With vulnerability comes fear.  Maybe shame.  We don’t want to be vulnerable for fear of disconnect.  People may judge.  And that is the truth.  People will judge.  There will be a number of people that may turn from you.  They may not understand. 

BUT!!  There will be several people that CONNECT and will have needed to know about what you are going through, perhaps facing the same struggles you have.  They will learn that you in fact DON’T have it all together.  Perhaps it will give them hope.  Through this will come meaningful and fulfilling relationship. 

In the video in my previous post about vulnerability, the speaker called people who are ok with being vulnerable “ whole hearted”.  She talks about the 3 C’s. 

Courage:  To be imperfect.

Compassion:  Being kind to self then others.

Connection:  A result of authenticity.

Vulnerability is the core of shame, fear, and struggle for worthiness.  It is also the birthplace for connection, joy, creativity, belonging and love.

We are living in a society where social media is giving us a sense of false emotion.  And instead of feeling real feelings we are numbing ourselves with addiction:  Food, alcohol, drugs (even prescription), sex, money, fantasy, video games, facebook, etc.  In doing this we are also numbing true joy, gratitude, happiness, etc.

Let yourself be deeply seen.  Embrace vulnerability!!

(I would just like to go on record and say that there is a time and a place for vulnerability.  Not all things should be shared publicly.  Find a safe place for things that need to be said that may hurt yourself or other people.  Vulnerability is also not an excuse for self pity.)

How to be happy.

Recently I was offered an amazing job with amazing people and amazing pay.  After seriously contemplating changing careers again, I decided to stick with radio.  I took that time to really analyze why I am in radio and what my roll in radio is.

I love pretty much everything about my job.  I love the direction the company is headed and I love the opportunities I get.  

I had never really been fully content in radio until after my health problems in fall.  

Now that I know that I know that I know I want to be in radio, I am forced to deal with some issues. 

I work with some very competitive people.  Also with very young people.  And (mostly) their standard of measuring success has been very different than mine.  Not wrong.  Right for them.  Just different.  My standard involves God and His plan.  Not "how many people know me" and "how many people see me around" which is what we are taught is important.  And it IS!!  It's radio.  But I don't want to measure my success that way. 

Lately I've been struggling to find my balance. 

A part of me wishes no one knew my name.  In the position I am in, many people think they know me and have formed an opinion.  I suppose we all do that to some extent.  Which is why it is really important to know who we are and love who we are.  

I have a great life.  Great marriage.  Great friends. A great relationship with my family.  Great job.  I have fun.  I love to laugh. A lot.  I realize when one is mostly happy there will be people that treat you badly... perhaps it comes from a place of insecurity, hurt, or misunderstanding (and heaven knows I've been in that boat), but I try to not let is get to me.  BUT!!... Sometimes it gets to me.  

Generally though... I AM happy!

Which leads me to my next blurb... HOW I FOUND HAPPINESS!!

For those who may be reading this and you are yearning for a happier life, I want to encourage you.  You CAN have it.  But it takes hard work.

Happiness to me doesn't mean life is perfect.  It is completely possible to go though hard times and struggles with happiness.  But again, it takes hard work. 

A lot of people that I have talked to don't want to take the steps or make the sacrifices that it takes to have a happy life.  But I truly beleive the key to happiness is hard work and sacrifice (in case you hadn't picked up on that yet).  :)
 

 

When I was young I had bad stuff happen to me, I was hurt badly, my parents did their best but made mistakes, I partied, I hurt myself, I hurt others, and I had a crappy marriage to start (I wanted my husband dead if I could be that straight forward).  God changed it all THROUGH HARD WORK AND SACRIFICE (hint hint)!!  :)  My husband and I love each other deeply now and have one of the healthiest marriages that I know of. <3 I will never ever claim to be perfect but more than anything I have learned to accept God's grace to make mistakes and press on into Gods goodness.  (John 10:10)

I have a very personal relationship with God.  I talk to him.  He's my helper, my friend.  I don't talk to him because I am worthy.  I talk to him because by his graciousness he allows me to.  He welcomes me because he loves me.

I could sit here and judge you.  Or you can sit there and judge me.  But the only thing that matters is the conversation we have with our God.  Really his opinion is the begin all and end all.  You and I are just here to love and support each other.  

So, God thinks I'm pretty cool.  And he thinks you're pretty cool (no matter where you are right now).

And that's all that matters, right?!

xoxo

(I feel like God wants me to say: There may be someone reading this that needs to talk.  I would love to talk to you.  Please message me.)

 

Vulnerability.

I haven't posted in a while.  I'm going to be honest and say it is because I have been struggling.

I read a very open and honest Facebook post the other day about a woman struggling with anxiety and so forth.  I give her credit.  I feel as though more of us need to be vulnerable and share about our struggles.  Pretending life is perfect does us no favours.

If you ever have an extra 20 min to spare, watch this.  It's good. 

2 Cor. 12:9

He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

For me, this weight loss is forcing me to deal with many "demons" (for lack of a better word).  The people that accept me, know me, and know my heart treat me the same.  But pretty much every one else, men and women, are treating me differently.  We are all human.  It happens.  I won't get into that too in depth but it is really forcing me to come to a whole new level of security.  I am trying, once again, to establish who I am and be happy with who I am on the inside so that the judgement of others does not affect my self worth.

I am a strong believer in God coming to the rescue in times of need and triumphing over every situation, but there will always be "situations".  We need not pretend life is hunky dory 24/7.  However, I also strongly believe that no matter what we are going through, we can enjoy life.  Yes, even through death, divorce, sickness, we have the power to be thankful and have a smile on our faces.  (I pick those things: death, divorce, sickness, because I know people in these situations that are going through heartbreak with joy.)  It is possible to enjoy every day despite circumstances.  BUT!! It is hard work!

I have been far from perfect in my lifetime (I think it's safe to say we all fall into that boat), but I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to you.  If I have ever treated you badly, I am sorry.  There was probably some deep underlying reason for it.  Maybe I wasn't wearing my glasses or contacts and I ignored you.  Maybe I was feeling insecure that day.  What I am trying to say is that I hope we can be gracious with each other.  I believe that love is always the answer.  I want to live in love.  Love is patient and love is kind.  It is my goal in life to master that.  I have a ways to go.  ;)