Day 5 of fasting: No amount of pretty candles, bubble bath, beautiful scenery, and yummy flavoured extracts was enough today. Some days it works. But not at this very moment. Right now, I miss food. I am hungry. That is it.
My belief in God and the Bible has seen me fast many times in my life before, but this time is different. This time, it is a medical fast ordered by doctors that (by my choice) has been made public and is also very intense.
Yesterday I spent the day trying NOT to snap at my coworkers (NOT their fault-it's just me) and ended up picking a fight with my man to end the day, which ended in tears for me, and him telling me that he knows its hard and he will see me through it and support me no matter what. Shel (my husband) has been so great. This fast IS harder than I thought it would be. I look back at my well intended posts on how to keep a good attitude and my chin up. All good ideas and they often work, but yesterday there was nothing that worked. Bottom line, I'm hungry. It's hard to put a smile on your face when you're a hungry bear. I also have been making dumb mistakes at work. Argh! I'm exhausted. Irritable. My mind is tired. My teeth and ears hurt. My nose is running. My stomach is so empty. I've never felt this empty before.
THIS IS GOOD! A part of the journey. I will work through it!!
I actually think this part is probably the most INTENSE part of this journey. But what do I know. :) I haven't been through it all yet. Time will tell.
It's becoming more and more real to me that this is way more then about just food. I'm detoxing. In every way. I'm detoxing from an addiction. I feel like an alcoholic might feel who's alcohol has been taken away. And I'm getting to the angry stage. Which WON'T last long because I just won't let it. I'll work through it with my faith, and support of family, and friends.
Feeling a little vulnerable with this post but I just want to be real. I know this is a stage and it will pass. I know why I am doing this. I want health. I want to overcome my food addiction.
Today was a hard day.
I went through my notes as to WHY I have to do this fast. I need some kind of reassurance that this is for a good reason. My notes say "This diet reduces the size of your liver so that the surgeons have better access to your stomach. It also allows for the safer operation and reduces operation time, complications, and blood loss." Ok then.
This is Si from my Bariatric Facebook Support Group. How's this for incentive?!! I may never look like this beautiful girl but it sure is fun to see these kinds of transformations!
My belief in God and the Bible has seen me fast many times in my life before, but this time is different. This time, it is a medical fast ordered by doctors that (by my choice) has been made public and is also very intense.
Yesterday I spent the day trying NOT to snap at my coworkers (NOT their fault-it's just me) and ended up picking a fight with my man to end the day, which ended in tears for me, and him telling me that he knows its hard and he will see me through it and support me no matter what. Shel (my husband) has been so great. This fast IS harder than I thought it would be. I look back at my well intended posts on how to keep a good attitude and my chin up. All good ideas and they often work, but yesterday there was nothing that worked. Bottom line, I'm hungry. It's hard to put a smile on your face when you're a hungry bear. I also have been making dumb mistakes at work. Argh! I'm exhausted. Irritable. My mind is tired. My teeth and ears hurt. My nose is running. My stomach is so empty. I've never felt this empty before.
THIS IS GOOD! A part of the journey. I will work through it!!
I actually think this part is probably the most INTENSE part of this journey. But what do I know. :) I haven't been through it all yet. Time will tell.
It's becoming more and more real to me that this is way more then about just food. I'm detoxing. In every way. I'm detoxing from an addiction. I feel like an alcoholic might feel who's alcohol has been taken away. And I'm getting to the angry stage. Which WON'T last long because I just won't let it. I'll work through it with my faith, and support of family, and friends.
Feeling a little vulnerable with this post but I just want to be real. I know this is a stage and it will pass. I know why I am doing this. I want health. I want to overcome my food addiction.
Today was a hard day.
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| Before surgery 265 lbs. After 117 lbs. 5'3". Age 35. No post-op surgery except breast augmentation. Just exercise. The after picture was taken 5 years post surgery. This is what happens if you do this the right way. Nice! Awesome Si!!! |
Update: I wrote that entry in the middle of the night last night. Today... feeling much better about life. :) Getting used to the empty stomach feeling. I have no symptoms today other than being un-energetic.
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